A Simple Family Guide to Funerals, Cremations and Burials
Most families haven't chosen a funeral director before or decided what options are right for their loved one. Funeral directors arrange hundreds of services; most families do this once - creating "Information Asymmetry".
About This Guide
This guide helps you understand your choices before contacting any funeral business, so you can make informed decisions without pressure. It's designed to help minimise "Information Asymmetry". Funeral directors arrange hundreds of services; most families do this once.
The guide draws on six generations of family service in the funeral sector (back to 19th-century London), international perspective from funeral directors across the Americas and Europe, and personal experience of loss.
Timing to Choose a Funeral Director
In aged care and some hospitals, you have only a few hours after a loved one dies. In most hospitals you have days. With the Coroner, you have longer.
Viewings
If the death occurs in an aged care facility or hospital, you may wish to visit with close family. A funeral director can usually arrange a viewing at another time and place.
If the Coroner is involved, viewing may be possible — and if so, a funeral director can provide a better experience.
Burial or Cremation?
A cremation only is least expensive, perhaps with a memorial service later.
A funeral service can be held at a crematorium chapel (easy to arrange) or church (feels less rushed), followed by cremation.
For burial, a funeral just at the grave is simplest. A church or chapel service may be arranged before or afterwards.
The Business Side
Whilst many in the profession are caring, funerals involve practical business realities.
How funeral directors pursue profitability is not always in a family's interests.
When reviewing funeral directors, look for clear, itemised pricing online.
Invitations to call for a quote suggest limited transparency.
Extras
A funeral director can arrange professional slideshows or printed orders of service. Creating these yourselves can be more empowering.
Readings
People often include Bible passages, even if they don't attend church. Psalm 139:12 says of the Lord: "even the darkness will not be dark to you... for darkness is as light to you."
Leading the Service
Options include a civil celebrant, minister or pastor, or priest.
Genuinely welcoming churches are often best able to offer personal, ongoing pastoral care — not just for a service, but support for your family.
Flowers on the Coffin
Selecting by colour or flower type gives the florist creative freedom. Common choices include seasonal mixes, roses, whites and creams, or natives.
Coffins and Caskets
Funeral directors often apply a bigger mark-up here, which can influence how and when options are presented.
When reviewing their services, if the price list and catalogue are not online, ask for each before proceeding.
Review the price list first to be clear-eyed in the process. A simple choice can be dignified.
Refreshments
Enjoying food together can be a time of remembering. Catering at a cemetery or crematorium is simpler, while a familiar venue can feel warmer.
Funding a Funeral
Banks will usually release money from your loved one’s account for funeral costs, and Centrelink may give a Bereavement Payment.
Life insurance through your loved one's super, early access to your own super, a no interest loan (NILS), or a funeral director's discount may be possible.
If there are no funds, a social worker at the hospital or Coroner, or the local Public Health Unit, can provide options.